I don't get this. I agree to join the Halo-17 team and become a music reviewer, and the very first review that gets handed to me by the boss is nothing other than Limp Bizkit's recent effort "Results May Vary". Perhaps this is some sort of bizarre initiation ritual that they have here, trying to test my mettle before they send me anything decent to listen to. Perhaps they?re just a sadistic lot, and want to watch me squirm by handing me something that none of them actually wanted to listen to themselves. Whatever their sinister motives are, I was handed a copy of this album, and they wanted it reviewed and rated within a week. Hard bunch, they are.

Fortunately, it's very easy to write a few hundred words on this record, because it does produce rather a lot of visceral emotion. The previous sentence, however, will be the last time I use any variation of the word 'fortunate' in reference to "Results May Vary", although I might use such terms as 'woeful', 'anaemic', and 'Oh god, why did I agree to listen to this? Put me out of my misery, please!' in reference to it.

Like the album title suggests, the results of listening to this record may indeed vary, perhaps you might roll your eyes at Durst's sloppy lyrics and boneheaded vocals. You might feel revulsion at the painfully predictable strong structures and stock-standard angst. You may start nervously laughing at the impotent rage of Fred Durst as he launches a clumsy verbal barrage at anything and everything. You may feel an intense desire to purchase a firearm and go shooting down at your local school as Durst launches the band headfirst into an absolutely woeful cover of The Who's Behind Blue Eyes, that sounds as flat as Calista Flockhart's chest.

Previous Bizkit albums did have the advantage of having the talented Wes Borland providing the guitar noise, while his stuff wasn't to my taste, at least he gave the music something interesting to listen to, something that made it worthwhile. However, with Borland presumably finally waking up to the fact that being associated with Fred Durst, quite possibly the worst frontman in rock for the past twenty years was damaging his credibility, he bailed. His replacement, Mike Smith, formerly of Snot, performs the actual guitar-playing adequately, but the loss of Borland seems to have hurt the band in another way. With Borland gone, Durst seems to be free to explore new musical ideas, but he utterly fails to come up with anything other than a horribly slapped-together mess. Gimme The Mic is almost a direct rip of Pass The Mic by The Beastie Boys, with a whole lot more profanity and none of the style. A couple of embarrassing emo-metal ballads bring to mind bands like Staind, only without any real saving graces, and as for the "Fight Club" references in the cover art... well... I don't even want to think about that again.

Perhaps the only saving grace that I had spending a couple of hours searching this record for anything good at all is that I didn't actually have to pay for it, and I'm compelled to give the CD back at some point. Also, now that I've had to listen through this nightmare, I'm sure to get something decent to review... right?

I don't get this. I agree to join the Halo-17 team and become a music reviewer, and the very first review that gets handed to me by the boss is nothing other than Limp Bizkit's recent effort "Results May Vary". Perhaps this is some sort of bizarre initiation ritual that they have here, trying to test my mettle before they send me anything decent to listen to. Perhaps they?re just a sadistic lot, and want to watch me squirm by handing me something that none of them actually wanted to listen to themselves. Whatever their sinister motives are, I was handed a copy of this album, and they wanted it reviewed and rated within a week. Hard bunch, they are.

Fortunately, it's very easy to write a few hundred words on this record, because it does produce rather a lot of visceral emotion. The previous sentence, however, will be the last time I use any variation of the word 'fortunate' in reference to "Results May Vary", although I might use such terms as 'woeful', 'anaemic', and 'Oh god, why did I agree to listen to this? Put me out of my misery, please!' in reference to it.

Like the album title suggests, the results of listening to this record may indeed vary, perhaps you might roll your eyes at Durst's sloppy lyrics and boneheaded vocals. You might feel revulsion at the painfully predictable strong structures and stock-standard angst. You may start nervously laughing at the impotent rage of Fred Durst as he launches a clumsy verbal barrage at anything and everything. You may feel an intense desire to purchase a firearm and go shooting down at your local school as Durst launches the band headfirst into an absolutely woeful cover of The Who's Behind Blue Eyes, that sounds as flat as Calista Flockhart's chest.

Previous Bizkit albums did have the advantage of having the talented Wes Borland providing the guitar noise, while his stuff wasn't to my taste, at least he gave the music something interesting to listen to, something that made it worthwhile. However, with Borland presumably finally waking up to the fact that being associated with Fred Durst, quite possibly the worst frontman in rock for the past twenty years was damaging his credibility, he bailed. His replacement, Mike Smith, formerly of Snot, performs the actual guitar-playing adequately, but the loss of Borland seems to have hurt the band in another way. With Borland gone, Durst seems to be free to explore new musical ideas, but he utterly fails to come up with anything other than a horribly slapped-together mess. Gimme The Mic is almost a direct rip of Pass The Mic by The Beastie Boys, with a whole lot more profanity and none of the style. A couple of embarrassing emo-metal ballads bring to mind bands like Staind, only without any real saving graces, and as for the "Fight Club" references in the cover art... well... I don't even want to think about that again.

Perhaps the only saving grace that I had spending a couple of hours searching this record for anything good at all is that I didn't actually have to pay for it, and I'm compelled to give the CD back at some point. Also, now that I've had to listen through this nightmare, I'm sure to get something decent to review... right?